A week has passed and I have not written much throughout its course. I was caught up with a lot of work and personal things last week that I barely found time to sit down and write. Now that I am sat here in my spot at the coffee shop, I can't seem to find any inspiration to get me started. I have 2 drafts on my dashboard that I unceremoniously left because I couldn't find a way to continue writing them. I neither have the words nor the thesis with which to pursue writing them. I simply cannot find anything to write about.
A few days ago I was so sure that I was feeling all inspired and giddy about writing but ended up empty handed. Things just seem to come up whenever I try to write and after dealing with them, I am beat up so much so that I could not muster the energy to start writing. I know that I have committed to writing this blog whether or not magic moments come to me. That's the funny thing about commitment, while the mind is willing, the body may not or the other way around. Another thing about commitment is that there's a natural tendency to break it, willfully or otherwise.
Speaking of commitments, of late, there have been a couple of incidents that have made me question whether or not we are capable of fidelity - a form of commitment that to me defines a person's character. Several of my friends have been struggling with their partners' fidelity and have come to learn about a sad truth that we all face, faithfulness is not a given in any relationship, if it exists, whoever enjoys it is indeed a lucky person. I say this out of my own personal experiences as well as those who have confided their troubles in me. It breaks my heart whenever a friend comes to me seeking comfort for the infidelity of their partner. It breaks my heart because it hits close to home as I have encountered it myself several times and each time I did, I almost lost all sense of being.
When a person you hold dear breaks his/her commitment of monogamy to you, it feels as though the world has crumbled down on you leaving you battered to the point of death. Whenever love is betrayed, a person's sense of self-worth is suddenly put to a question and everything seems to lose meaning. Whenever we are on the receiving end of infidelity's pain, we are left confounded as to how and why it happened. All memories of your time together are now tainted with questions of whether they truly loved you or were just there to pass the time while enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer. You start thinking about the past and drawing parallelisms from them to your present life which aggravates your already fragile sense of worth. It is a vicious cycle that you would have to endure for days on end because all that is left now after the dust has settled are fragments of a once happy life. The rubble and the ashes of your former security are painful reminders of the tragedy that has now left you with barely enough strength to move.
Whatever the circumstance surrounding infidelity, there is not a single reason nor excuse that justifies the act. It is weakness on the part of the unfaithful partner that has caused him/her to cross that line, it is no fault of yours. It is their insecurity that has led them to cross the path they vowed not to tread, not the lack that they see in you. You should never allow them to make you think even for a second that you had a hand in what happened. It takes two to make a relationship work but fidelity is an individual choice that is independent of all other factors. It is divorced from the circumstances of your relationship because whatever trouble you may be facing as a couple will never justify the decision to seek the company of another person. For this reason it is imperative that whenever we set out to find love, we must be in a state of being whole on our own, so that when we find someone to share happiness with, we double the happiness because ours is already whole in itself - not one that is in search for its other half. Pain, when shared, is half the pain. Joy, when shared, is twice the happiness. However, happiness when shared in order to complete it, will leave us devastated when that other half gets broken especially right after we have given the half that belongs to us. Searching for happiness and validation through other people is a recipe for disaster. What we ought to do is be whole on our own and willing to share this wholeness to a kindred heart that would allow us to experience a kind of joy that we have not yet encountered on our own. Never allow yourself to become a blanket for someone who is cold because you are not an object. You are not a shell that houses a menu for satisfying the needs of another person. You are a person with a soul that while cognizant of its own existence and needs, has willingly allowed another soul to partake in a shared experience because of your mutual desire to share the ups and downs of life.
Then again, there are a lot of things that we ought to do but fail at accomplishing because of a lot of factors whether within or beyond our control. However, fidelity, as I see it, is completely within our control and thus, can and will only be broken by choice.
xoxo
QB
A few days ago I was so sure that I was feeling all inspired and giddy about writing but ended up empty handed. Things just seem to come up whenever I try to write and after dealing with them, I am beat up so much so that I could not muster the energy to start writing. I know that I have committed to writing this blog whether or not magic moments come to me. That's the funny thing about commitment, while the mind is willing, the body may not or the other way around. Another thing about commitment is that there's a natural tendency to break it, willfully or otherwise.
Speaking of commitments, of late, there have been a couple of incidents that have made me question whether or not we are capable of fidelity - a form of commitment that to me defines a person's character. Several of my friends have been struggling with their partners' fidelity and have come to learn about a sad truth that we all face, faithfulness is not a given in any relationship, if it exists, whoever enjoys it is indeed a lucky person. I say this out of my own personal experiences as well as those who have confided their troubles in me. It breaks my heart whenever a friend comes to me seeking comfort for the infidelity of their partner. It breaks my heart because it hits close to home as I have encountered it myself several times and each time I did, I almost lost all sense of being.
When a person you hold dear breaks his/her commitment of monogamy to you, it feels as though the world has crumbled down on you leaving you battered to the point of death. Whenever love is betrayed, a person's sense of self-worth is suddenly put to a question and everything seems to lose meaning. Whenever we are on the receiving end of infidelity's pain, we are left confounded as to how and why it happened. All memories of your time together are now tainted with questions of whether they truly loved you or were just there to pass the time while enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer. You start thinking about the past and drawing parallelisms from them to your present life which aggravates your already fragile sense of worth. It is a vicious cycle that you would have to endure for days on end because all that is left now after the dust has settled are fragments of a once happy life. The rubble and the ashes of your former security are painful reminders of the tragedy that has now left you with barely enough strength to move.
Whatever the circumstance surrounding infidelity, there is not a single reason nor excuse that justifies the act. It is weakness on the part of the unfaithful partner that has caused him/her to cross that line, it is no fault of yours. It is their insecurity that has led them to cross the path they vowed not to tread, not the lack that they see in you. You should never allow them to make you think even for a second that you had a hand in what happened. It takes two to make a relationship work but fidelity is an individual choice that is independent of all other factors. It is divorced from the circumstances of your relationship because whatever trouble you may be facing as a couple will never justify the decision to seek the company of another person. For this reason it is imperative that whenever we set out to find love, we must be in a state of being whole on our own, so that when we find someone to share happiness with, we double the happiness because ours is already whole in itself - not one that is in search for its other half. Pain, when shared, is half the pain. Joy, when shared, is twice the happiness. However, happiness when shared in order to complete it, will leave us devastated when that other half gets broken especially right after we have given the half that belongs to us. Searching for happiness and validation through other people is a recipe for disaster. What we ought to do is be whole on our own and willing to share this wholeness to a kindred heart that would allow us to experience a kind of joy that we have not yet encountered on our own. Never allow yourself to become a blanket for someone who is cold because you are not an object. You are not a shell that houses a menu for satisfying the needs of another person. You are a person with a soul that while cognizant of its own existence and needs, has willingly allowed another soul to partake in a shared experience because of your mutual desire to share the ups and downs of life.
Then again, there are a lot of things that we ought to do but fail at accomplishing because of a lot of factors whether within or beyond our control. However, fidelity, as I see it, is completely within our control and thus, can and will only be broken by choice.
xoxo
QB
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