Getting up for work in the morning probably is the bane of my existence. It requires me a tremendous amount of will power to get out of bed to hit the shower, get dressed and go to work. My bed and I have somehow formed an unbreakable bond that I feel lost whenever we are apart. That or it's being nocturnal that makes it troublesome for me to get up in the morning. Work starts at 7 am so I have to be up by 5:30 to have enough time to take a shower and get dressed. Unlike what you might expect of a queen, it doesn't take me an hour to bathe. I actually spend 15 minutes in the shower, tops. However, what I am quick for in the shower, I more than make up when getting dressed. It's not just picking out clothes from the closet and putting them on. It is much more than that. Getting dressed for me is an art form. It sort of is my language of love to myself.
What I'm trying to say is that it takes me about at least 20 minutes to finish prepping my face up - sunscreen, moisturizer, color corrector, liquid foundation, powder and finally, lip gloss. 4 minutes to put on lotion. Another 10 deciding what to wear. And then a good 5 minutes picking out the shoes. A quick second or two spraying on perfume. This leaves me barely a minute to run to the bus stop and wait for my ride. Since it is hot and humid here, by the time I get to work, my face already shows signs of sweating which forces me to re-apply powder once I reach my desk. It is quite a cumbersome process that I religiously adhere to even if I only have to go buy a pack of cigarettes right across the street. There is a sense of accomplishment and comfort that this routine gives me. It makes me confident to face the world knowing that my face is all made up and that I smell of flowers and candy.
One time, I didn't feel like doing any of it. It was a weekend and a couple of friends and I decided to have a sleep over. Getting to our friend's apartment, we hurriedly cooked dinner because we were all famished. After eating, we headed out to the nearest store to buy a bottle of brandy just to "wash off" all the fats that we have just ingested. We aren't cut out for drinking alcohol not by any standard so it took the five of us the entire night to finish the bottle. The sun was already out by the time we hit the sack. With my head buzzing, I got up at around noon to find everyone else still cuddled up under the sheets. Then, one by one they all got up feeling light headed as I was. One of us, to my delight, brewed coffee. The strong coffee did the trick for all us because it kind of fought off the dizziness that we all were feeling. An hour later, we've already eaten breakfast, or brunch I guess since it was already midday. We then decided to go to the mall to find a place to hang out. Now, what would make a trip to the mall (something so mundane) more interesting? Not taking a bath before going out. Yes. We all agreed not to shower and just go out as we were and act like it was the most natural thing to do. We did brush our teeth though because that is just something that is not negotiable.
Anyhow, I had every inclination to do my face. Nope, just when I was about to wash my face and go through my routine, one of my friends stopped me. She said that I actually look better without all my make up on. You crazy? I said. No, she shot back. Look at yourself in the mirror and see that your face now has a natural glow about it because it's not stressed out from all the chemicals you've been putting on. I acquiesced. Fair is fair. We took a cab and made our way to the mall. As we were on our way, another cab passed by us with two passengers who happened to be gorgeous AF. Both of them waved at us and had this silly grin on their faces (the one that you have when you're trying to flirt with someone). My natural instinct was to smile back although I wasn't particularly sure who they were smiling at. I just assumed that it was all of us. To my surprise, they were actually looking at me. I flashed the flirtiest smile I could muster which was gleefully returned. I blushed. Seriously. I have never had someone flirt with me like that ever. See, proves my point, you get more attention when you don't have make up on - says my friend. I just smiled, how else was I supposed to react to that. I was still trying to come down from the high that I got out of the brief flirtatious moment I just had.
She asked me why do I always put make up on. I told her that it made me feel better about myself. If you've read the previous post you'd know that I am shadowed by a long list of insecurities. So putting on make up is my way of concealing all my flaws. It gives me liberty to think that I'm attractive because people can't see the flaws that my make up conceals. Make up allows me to create a "better" version of myself. Not only that, I have recently started to wear clear glasses that look like reading glasses but they're not. I just wear them to make me look smart. This dear friend told me that I don't need to put make up on or wear those silly glasses just to make myself look attractive. I already was she argues. Well, you'd expect to hear that from a friend of course. But she made a valid case out of it.
Her point is that make up does not really conceal my flaws. If anything, it only sustains the negative thoughts I have of myself which is counter-productive and self-destructive. If I wanted to be attractive it would have to come from within. It is a mental and emotional state that you get to when you genuinely love yourself and appreciate the skin you're in. It sounds like an infomercial for a newly released self-help book but I know she's right. What I just don't know, is how to actually get to that state when I can look myself in the mirror and see me - just me, not the flaws that I have listed throughout the years. Like the walls that I have built around my kingdom, I think of make up as my first line of defense against attacks. I do not see myself giving it up in the foreseeable future. I wish I could. I wish I would find that inner glow that's fabulous enough to make me give up wearing make up. But like all my secret wishes, this one needs a lot of work which I will have to consistently pursue. For now, let me see how this blog turns out and if I am able to sustain this even in times when I don't feel like I have any good material to write, then perhaps I might have already learned the first and most important step in loving oneself - perseverance.
If you are anything like me, I guess we owe it to ourselves to be patient with ourselves while we work on the things that need to be worked at. It doesn't come overnight but it never will unless we start. I didn't know what to write today so I just started writing the first thing that came to my mind. Now, here we are, at the end of this letter.
xoxo
QB
What I'm trying to say is that it takes me about at least 20 minutes to finish prepping my face up - sunscreen, moisturizer, color corrector, liquid foundation, powder and finally, lip gloss. 4 minutes to put on lotion. Another 10 deciding what to wear. And then a good 5 minutes picking out the shoes. A quick second or two spraying on perfume. This leaves me barely a minute to run to the bus stop and wait for my ride. Since it is hot and humid here, by the time I get to work, my face already shows signs of sweating which forces me to re-apply powder once I reach my desk. It is quite a cumbersome process that I religiously adhere to even if I only have to go buy a pack of cigarettes right across the street. There is a sense of accomplishment and comfort that this routine gives me. It makes me confident to face the world knowing that my face is all made up and that I smell of flowers and candy.
One time, I didn't feel like doing any of it. It was a weekend and a couple of friends and I decided to have a sleep over. Getting to our friend's apartment, we hurriedly cooked dinner because we were all famished. After eating, we headed out to the nearest store to buy a bottle of brandy just to "wash off" all the fats that we have just ingested. We aren't cut out for drinking alcohol not by any standard so it took the five of us the entire night to finish the bottle. The sun was already out by the time we hit the sack. With my head buzzing, I got up at around noon to find everyone else still cuddled up under the sheets. Then, one by one they all got up feeling light headed as I was. One of us, to my delight, brewed coffee. The strong coffee did the trick for all us because it kind of fought off the dizziness that we all were feeling. An hour later, we've already eaten breakfast, or brunch I guess since it was already midday. We then decided to go to the mall to find a place to hang out. Now, what would make a trip to the mall (something so mundane) more interesting? Not taking a bath before going out. Yes. We all agreed not to shower and just go out as we were and act like it was the most natural thing to do. We did brush our teeth though because that is just something that is not negotiable.
Anyhow, I had every inclination to do my face. Nope, just when I was about to wash my face and go through my routine, one of my friends stopped me. She said that I actually look better without all my make up on. You crazy? I said. No, she shot back. Look at yourself in the mirror and see that your face now has a natural glow about it because it's not stressed out from all the chemicals you've been putting on. I acquiesced. Fair is fair. We took a cab and made our way to the mall. As we were on our way, another cab passed by us with two passengers who happened to be gorgeous AF. Both of them waved at us and had this silly grin on their faces (the one that you have when you're trying to flirt with someone). My natural instinct was to smile back although I wasn't particularly sure who they were smiling at. I just assumed that it was all of us. To my surprise, they were actually looking at me. I flashed the flirtiest smile I could muster which was gleefully returned. I blushed. Seriously. I have never had someone flirt with me like that ever. See, proves my point, you get more attention when you don't have make up on - says my friend. I just smiled, how else was I supposed to react to that. I was still trying to come down from the high that I got out of the brief flirtatious moment I just had.
She asked me why do I always put make up on. I told her that it made me feel better about myself. If you've read the previous post you'd know that I am shadowed by a long list of insecurities. So putting on make up is my way of concealing all my flaws. It gives me liberty to think that I'm attractive because people can't see the flaws that my make up conceals. Make up allows me to create a "better" version of myself. Not only that, I have recently started to wear clear glasses that look like reading glasses but they're not. I just wear them to make me look smart. This dear friend told me that I don't need to put make up on or wear those silly glasses just to make myself look attractive. I already was she argues. Well, you'd expect to hear that from a friend of course. But she made a valid case out of it.
Her point is that make up does not really conceal my flaws. If anything, it only sustains the negative thoughts I have of myself which is counter-productive and self-destructive. If I wanted to be attractive it would have to come from within. It is a mental and emotional state that you get to when you genuinely love yourself and appreciate the skin you're in. It sounds like an infomercial for a newly released self-help book but I know she's right. What I just don't know, is how to actually get to that state when I can look myself in the mirror and see me - just me, not the flaws that I have listed throughout the years. Like the walls that I have built around my kingdom, I think of make up as my first line of defense against attacks. I do not see myself giving it up in the foreseeable future. I wish I could. I wish I would find that inner glow that's fabulous enough to make me give up wearing make up. But like all my secret wishes, this one needs a lot of work which I will have to consistently pursue. For now, let me see how this blog turns out and if I am able to sustain this even in times when I don't feel like I have any good material to write, then perhaps I might have already learned the first and most important step in loving oneself - perseverance.
If you are anything like me, I guess we owe it to ourselves to be patient with ourselves while we work on the things that need to be worked at. It doesn't come overnight but it never will unless we start. I didn't know what to write today so I just started writing the first thing that came to my mind. Now, here we are, at the end of this letter.
xoxo
QB
No comments:
Post a Comment