We all have it, that inner longing to connect to another soul that is fueled by a force as inexplicable as love. It draws us into uncharted territory which can easily faze anyone but with love, it brazens a soul to brave the unknown for a chance to taste that connection. As Olivia from the TV series Scandal puts it: I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. It is much like an intense high that one gets from taking mind-altering drugs. A taste of this high makes you want more and keeps you in that state of wanting.
I for one have longed to feel such a connection. There's nothing like that feeling of loving and being loved in return. It gives us a sense of belongingness, a purpose by which we were put on this earth. Every event suddenly turns into a meaningful memory that lives on long after we have left this world. It is that same thing of which legends are made of. While being in a relationship certainly feels like having that connection, once it ends, so does the high. Having gone through a few failed relationships, I've come to realize that I have yet to find that one great love, that which will empower me to surpass obstacles I could never see as surmountable. The truth is, I crave it like an addict to his high.
Ten years down the road since my last relationship and I am still in search for that one great love. I have not been in any relationship since the last break up. No dates either. I have begun asking myself the question of whether I am repulsive physically or in any other manner. Do I unwittingly fend off potential partners with my physical appearance, or with the way I act, talk, walk? Have I scared them all off with the crown that I am wearing? Quite possibly, any or all of these may be true simultaneously or separately on different occasions. Whatever the case may be, I can't help but feel left out, isolated from the rest of the world who seems to be falling in and out of love as fast as current fashion trends. It bothers me to think that a lot of people out there have no difficulty whatsoever in finding a partner. It perplexes me, even more, to think that these same people go in and out of relationships unscathed and always at the ready for the next one. What boggles my mind is what gives them this kind of access to relationships. What do they have that I don't? What makes them more desirable than me?
As their relationships come and go, serious or otherwise, there are those like me who seem to be entirely clueless as to the rules of the game or of life in general. I can confidently say that I am ready for a relationship and all that it entails. Why then do some people who seem not be in the least bit interested in committing themselves to a relationship find it so easy to land themselves in one while I spend countless moments wishing to be granted even the tiniest opportunity? Am I destined to live the rest of my life alone? Is anyone really meant for such a life?
The biggest irony in all this is that while there are somewhere around seven billion souls on the planet, a good portion of that population is single. Why? Is it because of circumstance? Lack of opportunity perhaps? Or is it a pre-determined condition that one simply cannot escape? I can't say that I didn't try. I've put myself out there a lot of times but only get a few moments of pleasure at best. It has even come to a point that the specter of rejection has become a constant companion, like my own shadow. It irks me a great deal to hear of breakups because it makes me question why would they not treasure the opportunity that was given to them when there are people like me who sit by their lonesome in a cafe for hours on end talking to themselves and to an imaginary audience?
The more I think about it, the more that I come up with questions without answers. One question leads to another which will lead to more questions and all I'm left with is more confusion. As of this writing, I neither have any answers to any of the questions I've posted nor any comforting words to offer to make anyone feel better. All I have are the thoughts of a person who may in one way or another be like you. I guess it will have to suffice for now to relish the fact that you can find a companion in your thoughts. Perhaps, with this, we can be alone - together.
xoxo
QB
I for one have longed to feel such a connection. There's nothing like that feeling of loving and being loved in return. It gives us a sense of belongingness, a purpose by which we were put on this earth. Every event suddenly turns into a meaningful memory that lives on long after we have left this world. It is that same thing of which legends are made of. While being in a relationship certainly feels like having that connection, once it ends, so does the high. Having gone through a few failed relationships, I've come to realize that I have yet to find that one great love, that which will empower me to surpass obstacles I could never see as surmountable. The truth is, I crave it like an addict to his high.
Ten years down the road since my last relationship and I am still in search for that one great love. I have not been in any relationship since the last break up. No dates either. I have begun asking myself the question of whether I am repulsive physically or in any other manner. Do I unwittingly fend off potential partners with my physical appearance, or with the way I act, talk, walk? Have I scared them all off with the crown that I am wearing? Quite possibly, any or all of these may be true simultaneously or separately on different occasions. Whatever the case may be, I can't help but feel left out, isolated from the rest of the world who seems to be falling in and out of love as fast as current fashion trends. It bothers me to think that a lot of people out there have no difficulty whatsoever in finding a partner. It perplexes me, even more, to think that these same people go in and out of relationships unscathed and always at the ready for the next one. What boggles my mind is what gives them this kind of access to relationships. What do they have that I don't? What makes them more desirable than me?
As their relationships come and go, serious or otherwise, there are those like me who seem to be entirely clueless as to the rules of the game or of life in general. I can confidently say that I am ready for a relationship and all that it entails. Why then do some people who seem not be in the least bit interested in committing themselves to a relationship find it so easy to land themselves in one while I spend countless moments wishing to be granted even the tiniest opportunity? Am I destined to live the rest of my life alone? Is anyone really meant for such a life?
The biggest irony in all this is that while there are somewhere around seven billion souls on the planet, a good portion of that population is single. Why? Is it because of circumstance? Lack of opportunity perhaps? Or is it a pre-determined condition that one simply cannot escape? I can't say that I didn't try. I've put myself out there a lot of times but only get a few moments of pleasure at best. It has even come to a point that the specter of rejection has become a constant companion, like my own shadow. It irks me a great deal to hear of breakups because it makes me question why would they not treasure the opportunity that was given to them when there are people like me who sit by their lonesome in a cafe for hours on end talking to themselves and to an imaginary audience?
The more I think about it, the more that I come up with questions without answers. One question leads to another which will lead to more questions and all I'm left with is more confusion. As of this writing, I neither have any answers to any of the questions I've posted nor any comforting words to offer to make anyone feel better. All I have are the thoughts of a person who may in one way or another be like you. I guess it will have to suffice for now to relish the fact that you can find a companion in your thoughts. Perhaps, with this, we can be alone - together.
xoxo
QB
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