Hiatus

Apparently I'm no good at keeping commitments to pursue any single interest with sustained ardor. I easily lose inspiration and drive. Hence, I'm sitting down this time to try and find what I seem to have lost months ago, the drive to keep writing. 

I started out passionately with one goal in mind - to write daily and see it through wherever it may lead me. However, like all past endeavors, this has proven to be another failed attempt at training myself to learn the virtue of following through. I'm in a rut, well at least I have been for the last 10 years or so. If there is anything productive that the past years has given me, it would be the realization that I am sadly a dreamer. There is nothing inherently wrong about being one. It is in fact one of the most admirable traits of humankind, our capacity to dream. However, when that dream remains to be just an idea, a mere thought of how things can be, then there isn't much point to it now is there? Unlike other dreamers, I greatly lack the discipline to see things through to their completion or at least make it far enough to land me at the doorsteps of my dreams. As soon as I set out to accomplish a task, I go at it everyday with much vigor then I suddenly turn cold turkey. No withdrawal symptoms, just plain cold turkey.

So, I always end up learning just enough of something and then moving on to the next endeavor. The process is pretty much like smelling flowers in an open field. One is drawn towards the variety of beautiful and colorful flowers, getting lost in them seeming not to get enough of the wonder that they offer. As you pass them by you get to smell their essence which in turn inspires dreams of grandeur and bounty. As you leave the field, you carry with you the memory of those flowers, but the question remains the same - are you going to visit them again the next day? Now that you've gotten a taste of their essence, will you be found wanting for more? I keep the memories and that's pretty much all there is to it. 

In plain and simple terms, I find it impossibly difficult to stay on track. I'm easily distracted and for the most part, I'm just lazy. I'm not even sure if there is any point to this entry. For all intents and purposes, this is just me talking to myself. Of late, there has been an abundance of that theme: me, myself and I. Wonder what thoughts my mind will cook up tomorrow...

xoxo

QB