Being Spock

I had to grow up early and by this I mean that I didn't get to have a childhood unlike most people. My early days were spent reading books and perfecting my school work. That is all there is to my childhood. I didn't have the chance to run around the house and make a mess because I was taught to be prim and proper at all times. I didn't have the luxury of basking in the sun's warmth outside because I was not allowed to go past our front gates for fear of burning my skin to a crisp just because I wanted to go out and play. The very few times I managed to sneak out, the maid came running after me, parasol in hand, to keep the sun from laying its hands on my delicate skin.

Truth be told I could not understand why I just couldn't be like every other kid in the block. They had bruises all over their bodies from playing and running around in the streets, yet, they went home happy and contented even if they're in pain. I, on the other hand, was sheltered and safe but it was like an out of body experience where my insides didn't match what was happening outside.

Now that I am grey and old, I wish so much to be able to turn back time and reclaim my innocence, be a kid, as careless and carefree as can be. Sadly, a Spock looks back at me every time I face a mirror. He tells me that such a desire is foolish and juvenile, useless at best. He knows from experience that only logical and rational things must prevail in life lest risk his own safety. Then again, is that all that life can be for me? Safe?

As much as I'd like to take risks and see where they would take me, I literally don't know how to let go. Being in control is as essential to me as air. It is impossibly hard to turn off my defenses because they are what kept me alive to this day. My walls have been built so high and thick so I can keep my sanity.

All of that now are out the window, someone came along, took a swing at my walls and they all came tumbling down like a house of cards. How and why this happened are a mystery. It just did. I only know when but everything else is a blur. It's hard being Spock. You get overwhelmed not by vicious attacks but by the sudden bouts of emotions that come rushing through you at an unexpected moment. You are left defenseless because the guards you have built all your life were not meant to withstand emotions. I loathe not being in control; or the feeling of needing and wanting someone else so badly. That's it for now I guess.

Hiatus

Apparently I'm no good at keeping commitments to pursue any single interest with sustained ardor. I easily lose inspiration and drive. Hence, I'm sitting down this time to try and find what I seem to have lost months ago, the drive to keep writing. 

I started out passionately with one goal in mind - to write daily and see it through wherever it may lead me. However, like all past endeavors, this has proven to be another failed attempt at training myself to learn the virtue of following through. I'm in a rut, well at least I have been for the last 10 years or so. If there is anything productive that the past years has given me, it would be the realization that I am sadly a dreamer. There is nothing inherently wrong about being one. It is in fact one of the most admirable traits of humankind, our capacity to dream. However, when that dream remains to be just an idea, a mere thought of how things can be, then there isn't much point to it now is there? Unlike other dreamers, I greatly lack the discipline to see things through to their completion or at least make it far enough to land me at the doorsteps of my dreams. As soon as I set out to accomplish a task, I go at it everyday with much vigor then I suddenly turn cold turkey. No withdrawal symptoms, just plain cold turkey.

So, I always end up learning just enough of something and then moving on to the next endeavor. The process is pretty much like smelling flowers in an open field. One is drawn towards the variety of beautiful and colorful flowers, getting lost in them seeming not to get enough of the wonder that they offer. As you pass them by you get to smell their essence which in turn inspires dreams of grandeur and bounty. As you leave the field, you carry with you the memory of those flowers, but the question remains the same - are you going to visit them again the next day? Now that you've gotten a taste of their essence, will you be found wanting for more? I keep the memories and that's pretty much all there is to it. 

In plain and simple terms, I find it impossibly difficult to stay on track. I'm easily distracted and for the most part, I'm just lazy. I'm not even sure if there is any point to this entry. For all intents and purposes, this is just me talking to myself. Of late, there has been an abundance of that theme: me, myself and I. Wonder what thoughts my mind will cook up tomorrow...

xoxo

QB

That One Great Love

We all have it, that inner longing to connect to another soul that is fueled by a force as inexplicable as love. It draws us into uncharted territory which can easily faze anyone but with love, it brazens a soul  to brave the unknown for a chance to taste that connection. As Olivia from the TV series Scandal puts it: I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. It is much like an intense high that one gets from taking mind-altering drugs. A taste of this high makes you want more and keeps you in that state of wanting.

I for one have longed to feel such a connection. There's nothing like that feeling of loving and being loved in return. It gives us a sense of belongingness, a purpose by which we were put on this earth. Every event suddenly turns into a meaningful memory that lives on long after we have left this world. It is that same thing of which legends are made of. While being in a relationship certainly feels like having that connection, once it ends, so does the high. Having gone through a few failed relationships, I've come to realize that I have yet to find that one great love, that which will empower me to surpass obstacles I could never see as surmountable. The truth is, I crave it like an addict to his high.

Ten years down the road since my last relationship and I am still in search for that one great love. I have not been in any relationship since the last break up. No dates either. I have begun asking myself the question of whether I am repulsive physically or in any other manner. Do I unwittingly fend off potential partners with my physical appearance, or with the way I act, talk, walk? Have I scared them all off with the crown that I am wearing? Quite possibly, any or all of these may be true simultaneously or separately on different occasions. Whatever the case may be, I can't help but feel left out, isolated from the rest of the world who seems to be falling in and out of love as fast as current fashion trends. It bothers me to think that a lot of people out there have no difficulty whatsoever in finding a partner. It perplexes me, even more, to think that these same people go in and out of relationships unscathed and always at the ready for the next one. What boggles my mind is what gives them this kind of access to relationships. What do they have that I don't? What makes them more desirable than me?

As their relationships come and go, serious or otherwise, there are those like me who seem to be entirely clueless as to the rules of the game or of life in general. I can confidently say that I am ready for a relationship and all that it entails. Why then do some people who seem not be in the least bit interested in committing themselves to a relationship find it so easy to land themselves in one while I spend countless moments wishing to be granted even the tiniest opportunity? Am I destined to live the rest of my life alone? Is anyone really meant for such a life?

The biggest irony in all this is that while there are somewhere around seven billion souls on the planet, a good portion of that population is single. Why? Is it because of circumstance? Lack of opportunity perhaps? Or is it a pre-determined condition that one simply cannot escape? I can't say that I didn't try. I've put myself out there a lot of times but only get a few moments of pleasure at best. It has even come to a point that the specter of rejection has become a constant companion, like my own shadow. It irks me a great deal to hear of breakups because it makes me question why would they not treasure the opportunity that was given to them when there are people like me who sit by their lonesome in a cafe for hours on end talking to themselves and to an imaginary audience?

The more I think about it, the more that I come up with questions without answers. One question leads to another which will lead to more questions and all I'm left with is more confusion. As of this writing, I neither have any answers to any of the questions I've posted nor any comforting words to offer to make anyone feel better. All I have are the thoughts of a person who may in one way or another be like you. I guess it will have to suffice for now to relish the fact that you can find a companion in your thoughts. Perhaps, with this, we can be alone - together.



xoxo



QB

Queen of Queens

When I went home that night, I was a completely different person. My first day in New York was not eventful by any standard but it definitely was monumental for me, one for the books so to say. It was a day that marked a personal milestone that I never thought was achievable not by a long shot yet there I was, in the city of my dreams.

I took the subway on my way home to Queens. When I got off the platform and found my way to the streets, there was a certain feeling of fulfillment that was overwhelming. As I was relishing the walk home, I slipped and fell on my bum. Anticlimactic. Of the things that I prepared for in coming to NYC, I failed to look up black ice. I was quick to get back on  my feet and grateful for the fact that it was in the middle of the night and the street was bare, not much people to see the fumble I just made. It would have been completely embarrassing had it happened in daylight. As I stepped inside my aunt's house, a feeling of belonging rushed inside me. I felt that everything about that day and all that had happened made sense, as if NYC beckoned me to come home like a bird who left his nest to learn how to fly and is now home to clean his feathers.

It never occurred to me that traveling was a fulfilling endeavor until my first trip to Europe with my parents. It was my mum's idea and I just agreed to it because she was so persistent. It was her who ignited a fire in me, that of a sense of wonder and excitement from seeing the world and experiencing its life. That night, I said a silent prayer, hoping that it would reach mum. It was a prayer of thanksgiving for waking up my sense of wonder and adventure. When I hit the sack that night, I was filled with a renewed sense of excitement for the day that is to come. Another day to explore the city that has held such a magical place in my thoughts and heart. I bid the world good night and dozed off, ecstatic to say the least.

Waking up to another New York morning was as magical as the moment when I landed in Chicago. It was full of promises of discovery and new experiences. Creating memories surely is a great investment because even if a long time has passed, the memory and the feelings attached to those memories live on as if it was just yesterday. When I stepped out to the streets of NYC that morning, I already had the day planned out. I had a list of places to see and things to do but the most important was to see Grand Central station. In an earlier post I talked about my obsession with the TV series Gossip Girl. It is this obsession that led me to go see Grand Central station first thing that day. As I got off the platform at Grand Central, a familiar sense of excitement and giddy coursed again through my veins. I matched the pace of the commuters walking out to the lobby of the station. Then, there it was, the lobby of Grand Central. The sensation of standing in the middle of that lobby looking around all of its corners to take in as much of it as possible is indescribable. The kid in me felt all giddy. I was awestruck beyond measure. I made my way to the famous stairs where the opening scene of Gossip Girl was shot. In that moment, all cares and worries that I had dissipated. It was as if the world was anew and I was its only inhabitant.

I stayed inside the station for what seemed like an eternity when it was actually only an hour. As I pushed the revolving door of the exit, a powerful sense of accomplishment washed over me. That feeling was only eclipsed by the poignant realization of my mum's absence. I did not however let that dampen my spirit because I still had a wonderful day ahead of me. If we allow sadness to rule our lives, nothing will ever be accomplished. I for one, was not willing to forego the experience that awaited me that day. I worked too damn hard to let anything or anyone stand in the way of my dreams.

Queen of the Jungle

About half an hour after I left Rockefeller center, I found myself in an awfully familiar place. I've never been to this place ever before, obviously, since it's my first time in New York but I was pretty sure that I knew this place. It was quite a busy street, even busier than the rest of the places that I have wandered off to so far. It was an intersection of some sort where large crowds gathered in the middle of the street. There were huge LED screens plastered across the buildings surrounding the street and there stood a tall triangular building in the forefront. Ahhh, I said to myself silently. I'm in the middle of Times Square! It's this magical place that has been at the centerfold of practically every magazine on the planet. You wouldn't miss it for anything as you have probably seen posters and photographs of it in books, newspapers, even on various social media outlets and definitely on screen - whether TV or movies. It's the place where millions of people around the world congregate in one night every year to wait for the ball to drop (on New Year's Eve). That's why it felt familiar. I've seen it yes, and at that moment, I was actually right there in the middle of that magical place.

I didn't realize that I was making my way towards Times Square. I just kept on walking down 5th avenue and made a few turns just to keep the walk interesting. Then, there I was. It was too much to take in. The throngs of people, locals and tourists alike, who went about their business was just overwhelming to say the least. The entire street was filled with so much life and motion. It was as if the entire place itself was alive and had a heartbeat - some sort of vibration that I was feeling from under my feet. As expected, I lost it again. I couldn't help but take pictures left and right, top and bottom. There was just so many things to capture, so many things to chronicle and etch in bites of memories that will last me more than a lifetime. I just felt the urge to snap photos of everything that I could lay my eyes on because I was there, in the middle of the street that was alive as much as I was breathing. It was a mix of awe and amazement that had me intoxicated the entire time I was there. The reality of being there was so surreal that I wanted to burst out from within myself just to release all the excitement that has been swelling up from inside of me ever since I first set foot in NYC.

Coming down from that high took most of my energy as I had to concentrate on being there in that moment while keeping my smarts functioning. By this time I was feeling a bit famished. The hunger was beckoning me like a frantic mother calling out to her young who are running around the house. I still didn't know enough about the city so I decided to look for a nice, familiar fast food where I can sit myself to recuperate from all the walking and regain some energy to last me for the next couple of hours of exploring. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to a McDonald's sitting in a corner and found myself lining up with what seemed like a million hungry people. After getting my food, I decided to just continue on exploring and just eat my food as I walked. It was a decision that was pretty much made for me by the fact that there wasn't a single vacant seat where I could sit down to enjoy my food. One of the things that I noticed about food in the states is that the serving is just ridiculously huge. The first time I had a burrito, it was in Chicago. Boy, was I surprised when they handed me my order. It was seriously huge, enough to feed 2 people but to their standards, it was a single serving.

Moving along. As I continued around the rest of the corners that immediately surrounded Times Square, I felt a numbness in my feet and legs. The inevitable had finally arrived. I was officially exhausted from the hours that I have spent alternating walking and standing. The exhaustion was undeniable that I had to find a comfortable place to sit down. I did what any queen in a foreign country would do if she got exhausted - sit in a coffee shop. You guessed it, I found another Starbucks. It was the only familiar place where I felt comfortable enough to go in and sit myself. I ordered what I always do, black coffee. Fortune favored me at that moment because bless the heavens there were a couple of vacant seats that I could sit on. After finding a spot, I rested my tired and weary legs on a chair in a corner. The welcome relief of the resting sensation brought some life back into my limp legs and feet that were already sore from all the walking and standing. Sipping the scaldingly hot coffee awakened my frozen senses. The best part about sitting there is - free wifi. It was a chance to tell the world that the city has not claimed me yet, that I persisted. So, after connecting to their wifi, I hurriedly logged on to my social media to check and send messages. In between reading messages, I was checking my office emails because I am secretly a workaholic. Finding nothing urgent in my emails, I decided to upload some of the pictures that I have taken. I don't think of myself as irreparably addicted to social media. I don't feel any dying urge to constantly check my phone for any notifications of posts or messages but every now and then I would spend some time looking them up. That moment was so special that I felt justified to shamelessly post a thousand pictures all at the same time. It was a dream that has come to life and I just had to share it with the rest of the world. Selfish reasons aside, I just wanted to post my experiences as a form of expression of the sense of fulfillment that I felt in that moment.

It dawned on me, as I was sipping my coffee, that all the arguments that I had with my mum about coming to live and work in Abu Dhabi now bore fruit. I didn't really want to go live and work in Abu Dhabi. What I wanted was to find my luck at home, in the Philippines. I didn't have the slightest inclination of leaving home and planting my roots at some foreign land. My mum and I had countless arguments about it, most of the time because I was simply procrastinating about coming to Abu Dhabi. I would always put it off for another time and tell her to give me space to think and time to ponder. One day, I got tired of arguing with her because she was as persistent as I am when it comes to driving a point. Her point was coming to work in Abu Dhabi would open up doors of opportunity for a brighter future for myself. I didn't see it that way then but that moment in Starbucks made me realize that she was right after all. It would have been a completely different story if  I had it my way and stayed in the Philippines. I wouldn't have found a job that would pay me the same salary as I was getting in Abu Dhabi had I stayed home. Working in Abu Dhabi allowed me the opportunity to travel because my work paid me enough for me to be considered worthy of a US visa. While this wasn't my first time to apply for a foreign visa, getting approved for a US visa is a feat on its own, considering my nationality. This kind of opportunity does not come often to my fellow countrymen especially if you lived and worked in the Philippines. I felt that working in Abu Dhabi has allowed me to up my game just enough to allow me the pleasure of traveling to foreign lands. I get it now. Other than my mum's desire to have me live in the same place as the rest of the family, she understood more than I did, how the world really worked. While it is not bad to be idealistic and optimistic about one's opportunities, it would be of great value to couple this optimism with a healthy dose of reality and practicality. This is a lesson I learned and continue to learn even after my mum's death. I didn't get a chance to genuinely thank her. Had I not listened to her, I may not have gotten the chance to sip coffee at a Starbucks in the city of my dreams. All I have now are these letters, my ode to her, in earnest hope that wherever she is right now, she is reading this.

I'll tell you more in the coming days about the magic that is New York. Now, I leave you with the thought that things don't always seem to fit at the onset but once you allow yourself to be open to the world of possibilities, you will be pleasantly surprised by all the joy that this world has to offer - no matter how bleak life may be. Dream big they say. Aim for the sky so that when you fall, you will land on the clouds. If you aim for the roof, when you fall, you will land smack on the ground.



xoxo



QB

ConQUEENt Jungle

My first morning in New York was marked by a bright sunshine that made the smell of fresh snow like an aphrodisiac of the soul. It brought about intense feelings of elation by the mere fact that I was finally in the city that I only once dreamed of. The city had a certain vibe, one of deliberate action and constant movement. People you pass by on the streets had a certain look on them - that of purpose. Each one had somewhere important to be or had something urgent to do. Everyone has a  purpose and a reason for moving - that which fuels their determination.

I, on the other hand, only had one thing on my mind - to take in as much of New York as I possibly can. The purpose was to see all the sights and sounds of the city that has occupied my dreams for as long as I can remember. As one might expect of a queen such as I, that first day was entirely dedicated to exploring the universe that is the 5th avenue. Right after breakfast, my aunt and I made our way to the subway station. After buying a weekly pass, she pointed me to the platform where the trains are that will take me to Manhattan. I bid her good day and walked towards the direction she pointed me to. As I was walking towards the platform, I had to pick up  my pace to match those of the New Yorkers that were also making their way to the trains. It was an exhilarating experience having to walk alongside people who had a purpose to every footstep they took. It felt as if I was one with everyone else who were going through the motion of city life. After getting off the train, I took a city map from one of the information stands to help me find my way to 5th avenue. As I was walking towards 5th avenue, I made a few quick stops to snap a couple of photos. I tried to look as organic as I possibly could while taking photos, mindful not to look so much like a tourist because I was playing a part - a local going about his daily routine. I didn't have to of course but I just wanted to feel as if I was like every New Yorker on the street, that way I would have at least lived in the city of dreams the way locals do. It was practical as well not to get lost too much in the sights of sounds of the city. Since people are constantly on the move, you will have to be quick in your movements as well lest risk being run off by the onslaught of commuters and pedestrians.

When I finally saw the street sign that read 5th avenue, I was overcome by awe and pure admiration. I was in the area where the Apple store was. I wanted to go in and see what it looked like inside but decided not to since I had a limited time and wanted to see as much of the city as I could. Instead, I tread the length of 5th avenue, marveling at the exquisite buildings that lined the street, from Bergdorf Goodman to Louis Vuitton, Tiffany & Co. and a lot more. I had to pinch myself to test that it wasn't a dream, that I was actually walking the same street that SJP (Sarah Jessica Parker) walked in the episodes of Sex and the City. I was nearly overwhelmed by the flood of amazing buildings, not to mention the fashionable residents of the city. I didn't mind the freezing cold that the winter chill brought with every gush of wind that touched my face. There was a certain warmth inside of me that swelled up to keep me cozy enough to brave the frozen weather. As I continued on my way through 5th avenue, I went inside a couple of stores like the flagship stores of Uniqlo and H&M. It was retail heaven for me with a million different things to choose from, the cherry on top, they were on sale. I could barely hold my ground with all the excitement that the experience was bringing me so far. After picking up a few pieces from these stores, I continued on with my walk down 5th avenue. A few steps later, I found myself right across the street from St Patrick's Cathedral. This time, I didn't care that I looked every bit of the tourist that I was. I just had to snap photos of the cathedral from every possible angle that I could. After a few snaps, I crossed the street and entered the cathedral. At that time, they were renovating the interior of the building so there were scaffolds all around the cathedral. To commemorate my visit to St Pat's, I bought a gold plated coin memorabilia from one of the vending machines that stood at the entrance. I then made my way further down the main altar, reverently looking at the statues and portraits of various saints and pausing every now and then to say a silent prayer. Getting to the main altar, I took a spot in one of the pews and knelt to say a prayer of thanksgiving. I was supremely grateful for having been blessed with the opportunity to be in the city of my dreams - a chance that not many are afforded. Having said my prayers, I left the cathedral to continue with my journey down 5th avenue.

 One of the best things about the city is that there is no shortage of coffee shops that offered an array of choice blends. Since I didn't have a clue as to the best local coffee shop, I decided to play it safe and ordered a black coffee from Starbucks. The cold was slowly creeping in and I had to find a way to keep myself warm throughout the rest of the day. Coffee in hand, I started to walk back to the main street. I then found myself in Rockefeller center where I of course couldn't resist stopping by to take a few snaps of the building and the giant Christmas tree that was standing tall in the skating rink. The feeling was magical just realizing that I was in the place that I once only saw in movies. The famed skating rink lived up to its promise of enchantment not because it was extraordinarily beautiful but because it was filled with people, locals and tourists alike, taking in that abstract sense of wonder and magic that filled the air of New York.

Everything that I have seen so far that time made me realize how incredibly huge the world was and that there is so much more to see and experience beyond our own origins. There is so little time but so many things to experience that I just felt all the more grateful for the fact that I was in New York, hearing and seeing the life of the city that has beholden my imagination since childhood. It would have been a more meaningful trip if my mum was there too. It was a trip that we were supposed to make together but time was against us. Just the same, being there that moment gave me every reason to be thankful for every waking moment because each one that we have may very well be our last.

 We'll talk more about the charms of the city that never sleeps in the coming days. For now, I will leave you with a thought that I read from inside one of the subway trains of New York: the poles are for your safety, not your new routine.



xoxo



QB

The Queen who never sleeps

I spent an entire week in Chicago being a consummate tourist. Each night I would map out the places that I will be visiting the following day. This way I wouldn't have to wander around the streets of Chicago aimlessly and it would allow me the advantage of looking up the best ways to reach a certain place. Chicago was such a pleasant city with the perfect mix of urban and rural living. It was easy to get around the city however it was challenging to make the rounds in the suburbs if you didn't have a car. Since I wasn't all that confident driving by myself, I chose to roam the city by foot. When the time came to leave Chicago after seeing its sights and sounds, I booked my flight to New York. The entire process was easy since all I needed was a laptop and my credit card. I did everything online and when everything was set up, all that was left to do was to pack my bags and get myself to the airport. This time, I was sure I wouldn't miss my flight since I booked an afternoon flight from O'Hare to LaGuardia.

I was nearly restless the night before my flight to New York. I felt like someone who was about to go on a blind date with a person he met online. The excitement was palpable that it was almost impossible to contain. It was the anticipation of unraveling the mystery that surrounded the charm of New York that took my nerves to the edge. After about an hour of pacing around the living room and having downed a couple of bottles of beer, I decided to hit the sack. Fortunately for me, I have never had trouble sleeping. Get me a chair or anything that I can rest my back on and I'm all set. Waking up to the smell of sausage and eggs, I put on my slippers and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. My aunt was preparing breakfast for me and my uncle (her husband). My uncle had a couple of sips of coffee and a few bites of his breakfast while I was still trying to find my bearing after having slept through the night peacefully. He told me that he'll be off to work in a few minutes but will be getting off work early to pick me up and take me to the airport. I tried to politely decline the offer as I didn't want to bother him with this particular detail of my trip. It would have been just as easy to have a cab pick me up and take me to the airport. He was insistent and I didn't want to seem ungrateful so I just gave in.

When I arrived at the airport, there was a feeling of longing that had suddenly crept in me. I didn't realize that for the very short time that I spent in Chicago and living in their house, I have actually fallen in love with the place and felt supremely at home. Leaving sort of roused a sense of separation anxiety in me that I normally only feel whenever I leave the Philippines to go back to work in Abu Dhabi after a month's vacation. Shrugging that anxiety off, I bid my uncle goodbye and asked him to send my love to my aunt who wasn't able to come with us to the airport since she was working the night shift at the hospital. He gave me a few pointers and reminders which mostly was about being smart and present-minded at all times while roaming the streets of New York. I made a mental note of everything he told me especially tips on getting around New York and places to see. Grabbing my bags, I walked towards the queue going inside the airport. Checking-in wasn't nearly as tedious as getting through airport security but with everything considered, it was quite a smooth process. After completing the check-in process, I made my way to the boarding gates. I couldn't find any vacant seat since the airport was packed with people flying out to different destinations. So, I did what any grown ass queen would do, I sat on the floor.

It was around seven in the evening when we finished boarding the plane and after a couple of minutes, we set off to New York. Feeling a bit exhausted, I decided to take a nap. The 2-hour flight went by so quickly. When I awoke from my nap, the plane was already making its descent towards LaGuardia airport. It was in this moment that I felt butterflies in my stomach which made me all giddy inside. There was a strong sense of excitement and joyful anticipation of the adventures that await me in the city that never sleeps. I was visiting relatives in New York who would be taking me in for a couple of days while I was there. My aunt and uncle were still both at work when we landed so they told me to take a cab instead to their apartment in Queens. It was a short ride, probably less than ten minutes. When I reached the street where they lived, I picked up my phone and called my aunt. Fortunately, she just got home and was already waiting for me upstairs. After finding the main door of their apartment's building, I rang their number and she buzzed me in. I haven't seen them for more than 20 years. The last time I remember seeing them was when I was around 8 or 9? Anyhow, when she opened to door to greet me, a sigh of relief overcame me - mainly because I didn't get lost on my way to their house. We hugged each other and she motioned me inside. After carefully setting my bags aside, she started preparing the table so we can have dinner together. The three of us, myself, my aunt and her 10-year-old son then sat on the dinner table.

Like with any reunion, we barely touched our food before we set off to a full blast conversation and catching up. There was much to say and much to learn - 20 years worth of stories to be told. Less than an hour later, my uncle arrived and we too started chatting about the events in our lives that have happened over the course of 20 years. It was such a pleasant experience catching up with them. It made me realize even more how fast time flies. Dinner was equally lovely. I was treated to a healthy serving of kale salad and mint tea. It was just what I needed since I felt like I gained an entire person in weight after having consumed insane amounts of food back in Chicago. After dinner, I checked-in with my aunt and uncle in Chicago just to let them know that I made it safely to New York. At this point, I seriously missed them and my room (wink). I missed the late night talks I had with my uncle while drinking beer and watching TV. Those nights were so relaxing that whenever I fell asleep, I was always guaranteed a peaceful rest. Now that I was in New York, there was a renewed feeling of excitement. Before hitting the sack, I penned down my plans for the next day. Since both my aunt and uncle had work, I was left to roam the city again on my own. My aunt gave me a map of the subway and gave me a crash course on New York transportation. She also made recommendations on where to find good food at an affordable price. After making a mental note of all her pointers, we called it a night and hit the sack. It took me another hour before dozing off because I decided to watch a bit of TV.

I woke up to the light of my first New York day complete with the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps which was punctuated by the coming and goings of the subway trains. The giddiness of the previous day hasn't worn out. In fact, I remember it being heightened. I couldn't wait to be out the door for my first official day in the city of dreams. My anticipation was centered on the smell of concrete and the promise of an exciting day brought by the charm of New York - the freedom to be oneself completely. I'll tell you more about it in the coming days. For now, let it be said that whatever it is that makes New York charming, it definitely lives up to its promise of celebrating all colors of the rainbow.



xoxo



QB