With age comes wisdom.
When we were children, we talked and thought like children. We played in the sun, ran around the house breaking things as we go, maybe break a bone or two with the games we played and even tinkered with things that we weren't supposed to mess with. As we grew older, our thoughts, speech and actions eventually changed. I dare say we gradually became more finesse and refined. Our conversations with kids our age moved from games to homework to sports and onwards to a million different things. Reaching puberty we start to pay more attention to the way we dress and how we look. Eventually, we start noticing the way others dress and how they look too. Then, we begin to feel attraction towards other people which cause mayhem on our hormones and confuses us with questions that our elders find awkward to answer.
At this point, we may have already found ourselves a set of friends whom we spend most of our time with. Hanging out would become an integral part of our daily life, so much so that we are rarely seen at home because we are always out with friends. We turn to them for advice and help in navigating the same road we are all taking - to adulthood. They were there on our first heartbreak, consoling us at first and then laughing at us after the drama has died down (a day or two perhaps?). The awkward teenage years are spent trying to figure out who we are and where do we fit in this world. For most, myself included, this doesn't come until further into the future. For now, it is enough to get through these years and onto better days?
For Filipinos such as myself, the natural progression from graduating high school would be to go to college. In here lies one of the most important decisions we will ever make - what course to take up. To some, their courses were chosen for them by their parents while others have been given a great opportunity to make probably the first crucial decision of their lives. Fortunately for me, my unrelenting stance to pick out my school and course was honored by my parents. My dad came from a long line of lawyers and judges - thereby effectively creating a bar (pun intended) for me to live up to. Both my parents wanted me to the follow in the footsteps of my dad's lineage. Unfortunately for them, I had a different perspective. I didn't want to follow in their footsteps not because I didn't want to become a lawyer, I actually do. I just didn't want that choice thrust upon me. I wanted to make that choice on my own. However, for as long as I can remember, their expectations of me have been astronomical, to say the least, and becoming a lawyer was among their most adamant demands. I have a natural aversion to pressure and demands; the more a thing is forced upon me, the more I rebel against it even if I want to do it. In hindsight, this part of my personality probably is the reason why I am largely misunderstood (well that's code for queen b*t*h).
I earned my degree 2 years longer than usual. I sort of didn't pay that much attention to my studies back in college. Instead, I used that time to develop myself internally - self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness (not to mention parties and everything that comes along with it). You may wonder (I hope you do otherwise this letter will become an awkward read) why did I choose to spend these years on things that I should already possess? Self-esteem? Confidence? Assertiveness? We will have to take a few steps back and look at how I spent my childhood.
I cannot qualitatively say that I had a childhood or let's say that I didn't get to be a kid at all. Ever since I can remember I was always told to grow up, stop being a kid, act like this and that - basically not be a child. Grade school saw me tinkering not with toys but with books. I was always sent to my room to go over my books and study. I had a tight schedule to follow, hours for study and for rest, none for play. Whenever I sneak out of the house to go over to the neighbor's to play, my nanny would immediately run after me to take me home - parasol on hand to shield me from the heat of the sun, and a towel to wipe what little sweat I had for walking a few paces from the house. I only got to watch tv on weekends only for 2 hours and then I would have to go back to my room again to do some more studying. I grew up in the company of books. So, for as long as I can remember, I've been trained to be an adult - independent and smart.
Now halfway through adulthood, I still haven't figured out who I am. Although, college did me good as it allowed me to gain a semblance of self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness. I can't say with full confidence that I am any smarter or more independent having spent my entire childhood learning to become such. What it did instill in me is a hard truth that I believe we all have to face - at the end of the day, we only have ourselves to turn to for comfort or support even inspiration. No one else can do this for us. Friends and family may provide us with nurturing and encouraging words but it always comes to us to decide how we will respond to situations. I was left to learn the hard lessons on my own. I was rarely offered comforting words by my family and neither was I treated to an abundance of encouragement. What I was dealt with were situations that taught me how to be strong for myself. On the one hand, it may seem sad to have not lived a fun childhood but when I think about all the other children elsewhere in the world who are victims of war and conflict, I get to think to myself that I've had it better than they have. I had a comfortable bed to lie in at day's end without fear of bombs dropping in the dead of night and obliterating my home. Got to eat three full meals a day and drank clean water with occasional juices and soda to quench my thirst. Never had to come to a house in ruins, frantically looking for my family beneath the rubble. Never had to beg on the streets for food or water.
Childhood wasn't fun for this queen at all, but considering everything that's been happening in the world right now, I know I grew up a princess who eventually found a place where she can fit in - her throne. So to you reading is, I pray that you consider yourself fortunate however bleak your circumstance may be because you are able to read this. I honestly hope that we can help make a difference in the lives of others who need us to be their voices when theirs have been silenced by fear-mongering and blind hate. Perhaps in writing this, we will unmask the apathy and false reality that has been pushed down our throats by those whom we have entrusted our welfare to, one letter at a time.
xoxo
QB
When we were children, we talked and thought like children. We played in the sun, ran around the house breaking things as we go, maybe break a bone or two with the games we played and even tinkered with things that we weren't supposed to mess with. As we grew older, our thoughts, speech and actions eventually changed. I dare say we gradually became more finesse and refined. Our conversations with kids our age moved from games to homework to sports and onwards to a million different things. Reaching puberty we start to pay more attention to the way we dress and how we look. Eventually, we start noticing the way others dress and how they look too. Then, we begin to feel attraction towards other people which cause mayhem on our hormones and confuses us with questions that our elders find awkward to answer.
At this point, we may have already found ourselves a set of friends whom we spend most of our time with. Hanging out would become an integral part of our daily life, so much so that we are rarely seen at home because we are always out with friends. We turn to them for advice and help in navigating the same road we are all taking - to adulthood. They were there on our first heartbreak, consoling us at first and then laughing at us after the drama has died down (a day or two perhaps?). The awkward teenage years are spent trying to figure out who we are and where do we fit in this world. For most, myself included, this doesn't come until further into the future. For now, it is enough to get through these years and onto better days?
For Filipinos such as myself, the natural progression from graduating high school would be to go to college. In here lies one of the most important decisions we will ever make - what course to take up. To some, their courses were chosen for them by their parents while others have been given a great opportunity to make probably the first crucial decision of their lives. Fortunately for me, my unrelenting stance to pick out my school and course was honored by my parents. My dad came from a long line of lawyers and judges - thereby effectively creating a bar (pun intended) for me to live up to. Both my parents wanted me to the follow in the footsteps of my dad's lineage. Unfortunately for them, I had a different perspective. I didn't want to follow in their footsteps not because I didn't want to become a lawyer, I actually do. I just didn't want that choice thrust upon me. I wanted to make that choice on my own. However, for as long as I can remember, their expectations of me have been astronomical, to say the least, and becoming a lawyer was among their most adamant demands. I have a natural aversion to pressure and demands; the more a thing is forced upon me, the more I rebel against it even if I want to do it. In hindsight, this part of my personality probably is the reason why I am largely misunderstood (well that's code for queen b*t*h).
I earned my degree 2 years longer than usual. I sort of didn't pay that much attention to my studies back in college. Instead, I used that time to develop myself internally - self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness (not to mention parties and everything that comes along with it). You may wonder (I hope you do otherwise this letter will become an awkward read) why did I choose to spend these years on things that I should already possess? Self-esteem? Confidence? Assertiveness? We will have to take a few steps back and look at how I spent my childhood.
I cannot qualitatively say that I had a childhood or let's say that I didn't get to be a kid at all. Ever since I can remember I was always told to grow up, stop being a kid, act like this and that - basically not be a child. Grade school saw me tinkering not with toys but with books. I was always sent to my room to go over my books and study. I had a tight schedule to follow, hours for study and for rest, none for play. Whenever I sneak out of the house to go over to the neighbor's to play, my nanny would immediately run after me to take me home - parasol on hand to shield me from the heat of the sun, and a towel to wipe what little sweat I had for walking a few paces from the house. I only got to watch tv on weekends only for 2 hours and then I would have to go back to my room again to do some more studying. I grew up in the company of books. So, for as long as I can remember, I've been trained to be an adult - independent and smart.
Now halfway through adulthood, I still haven't figured out who I am. Although, college did me good as it allowed me to gain a semblance of self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness. I can't say with full confidence that I am any smarter or more independent having spent my entire childhood learning to become such. What it did instill in me is a hard truth that I believe we all have to face - at the end of the day, we only have ourselves to turn to for comfort or support even inspiration. No one else can do this for us. Friends and family may provide us with nurturing and encouraging words but it always comes to us to decide how we will respond to situations. I was left to learn the hard lessons on my own. I was rarely offered comforting words by my family and neither was I treated to an abundance of encouragement. What I was dealt with were situations that taught me how to be strong for myself. On the one hand, it may seem sad to have not lived a fun childhood but when I think about all the other children elsewhere in the world who are victims of war and conflict, I get to think to myself that I've had it better than they have. I had a comfortable bed to lie in at day's end without fear of bombs dropping in the dead of night and obliterating my home. Got to eat three full meals a day and drank clean water with occasional juices and soda to quench my thirst. Never had to come to a house in ruins, frantically looking for my family beneath the rubble. Never had to beg on the streets for food or water.
Childhood wasn't fun for this queen at all, but considering everything that's been happening in the world right now, I know I grew up a princess who eventually found a place where she can fit in - her throne. So to you reading is, I pray that you consider yourself fortunate however bleak your circumstance may be because you are able to read this. I honestly hope that we can help make a difference in the lives of others who need us to be their voices when theirs have been silenced by fear-mongering and blind hate. Perhaps in writing this, we will unmask the apathy and false reality that has been pushed down our throats by those whom we have entrusted our welfare to, one letter at a time.
xoxo
QB
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