We have been taught in school that when confronted with potential danger, our instincts are basically divided into two: fight or flight. Our choice on how to respond to such a situation varies depending on the level of danger that a situation poses to our safety. Whenever danger is perceived, it stirs an intense emotion in us - fear.
Fear is credibly a crippling emotion that at times it weakens our ability to think rationally and come up with sound responses to different stimuli. However, fear as an emotion is also a gift as I've learned from the religious community that I was once a part of. It is a gift in that it allows us to sense danger which in turn leads us to prepare for the appropriate response to a perceived threat to our safety. There are all sorts of fear that we experience. Among them are fear of heights, flying, death, failure, embarrassment, and hundreds more. While some argue that fear is abstract and irrational, it cannot be denied that most of our fears stem from past experiences. Fear of failure for example can stem from an endeavor that we once pursued and ended up falling short. Fear of heartbreak cannot also be summarily dismissed as irrational mainly because we all have undergone some form of heart break in our lives. Having gone through a heart break, the natural response that anyone has would be to avoid getting heartbroken again. I for example, have gone through so many heartaches that I have somehow become jaded about the prospect of finding true love again. At times I even think that I have completely lost all faith in love, that it does not really exist or at best, that it is not for me. Whatever the source of one's fear is, no one can decisively say to another person that their fear is irrational or invalid just because they don't feel it.
As a queen, my fears center on the fear of failure or disappointing other people. Being raised competitive, I have developed an undeniable flair for perfection. I am my own worst critic and greatest competitor because I expect so much of myself. Whenever I fail at something, I take it deeply so much so that I tend to recoil while trying to find my bearing to stand up again. It doesn't help either that I am plagued by a number of insecurities that to date, I have not yet conquered. It amazes me that I have been able to stay "sane" all these years amid all the failures and disappointments that I have faced. Even this I attribute to my resolve not to be defeated because I hate losing. I hate failing.
Now that I am in my 30's, my fears seem to have increased. At present, I've started feeling anxious about the future and what it holds for me. I used to think that by the time I'm 30, I'd already be a successful professional. Now, I push paper for a living. I'm not complaining though but I somehow feel shortchanged because I feel that I am meant for greater things. My peers are considerably successful in their chosen fields. Most of them have already started their own families and rearing children while I have somehow managed to stay the same as I was 15 years ago - single. My anxiety about the future is accentuated by my fear of spending the rest of my life alone. Who would take care of me when I'm grey and old? I don't have a family of my own, no husband or kids to take care of me when I can't take care of myself anymore. No hand to hold when I am uncertain about tomorrow or frightened of today. It's just me, myself and I. One day will come when I would have to pass on my crown to a successor but I have no one to pass it on to. I don't think anyone in the right mind would want to accede to the throne either given the magnitude of responsibility that this title entails.
Of late I have read a couple of articles that debunk most of my perceptions about success and the fears that I currently face. They are sensible and well thought of articles that I could not help but agree with them. However, while they inspired me to redirect and refocus my thoughts to the positive aspect of things, I still am confounded about how to actually do it. My mind operates in a manner that requires step by step instructions and a clear-cut process with calculated results. Anything outside the realm of control sends me into a frenzied panic. What then is a queen like me left to do? Contemplate. In my reassessment of my current disposition, I realized that in order for fear not to become a debilitating disease, one must consciously act on overcoming it. Identifying the real cause of our fears is the first step. Once identified, we can move forward to listing the ways in which we can address each of the causes of our fears. It certainly won't come overnight. However, I have come to know that it is a conscious and deliberate act to work on overcoming your fears. It is a decision that you make every day, to fight and work around the obstacles that you are faced with. The most important step is asking for help. Cliche to say that no man is an island but its truth is undeniable. Shared pain is half the sorrow while shared happiness is twice the joy. The only question for this queen now is who to share pain and joy with.
I count friends and family among the greatest blessings that I have been given. Nonetheless, there still are some things that I would like to share intimately with another person - one who can look into my eyes and pierce through my soul. One who, by his very presence, I am enlivened because it confirms to me what everyone is saying - that there is someone out there for all of us. Perhaps there is and it is equally possible that there isn't. All the same, a queen has to stand firm in her stance to fight for her kingdom, to keep her sanity so that when the time comes, she is still intact and completely able to share the wonders of life with her king. Sane enough to recognize that whether a king is on his way, her joy would come from being a person who is whole in her own right but eagerly waiting to share joy with another soul. Maybe by sharing this joy, love can multiply enough to fill this precarious world with compassion that will drown all the fears that are in our hearts.
xoxo
QB
Fear is credibly a crippling emotion that at times it weakens our ability to think rationally and come up with sound responses to different stimuli. However, fear as an emotion is also a gift as I've learned from the religious community that I was once a part of. It is a gift in that it allows us to sense danger which in turn leads us to prepare for the appropriate response to a perceived threat to our safety. There are all sorts of fear that we experience. Among them are fear of heights, flying, death, failure, embarrassment, and hundreds more. While some argue that fear is abstract and irrational, it cannot be denied that most of our fears stem from past experiences. Fear of failure for example can stem from an endeavor that we once pursued and ended up falling short. Fear of heartbreak cannot also be summarily dismissed as irrational mainly because we all have undergone some form of heart break in our lives. Having gone through a heart break, the natural response that anyone has would be to avoid getting heartbroken again. I for example, have gone through so many heartaches that I have somehow become jaded about the prospect of finding true love again. At times I even think that I have completely lost all faith in love, that it does not really exist or at best, that it is not for me. Whatever the source of one's fear is, no one can decisively say to another person that their fear is irrational or invalid just because they don't feel it.
As a queen, my fears center on the fear of failure or disappointing other people. Being raised competitive, I have developed an undeniable flair for perfection. I am my own worst critic and greatest competitor because I expect so much of myself. Whenever I fail at something, I take it deeply so much so that I tend to recoil while trying to find my bearing to stand up again. It doesn't help either that I am plagued by a number of insecurities that to date, I have not yet conquered. It amazes me that I have been able to stay "sane" all these years amid all the failures and disappointments that I have faced. Even this I attribute to my resolve not to be defeated because I hate losing. I hate failing.
Now that I am in my 30's, my fears seem to have increased. At present, I've started feeling anxious about the future and what it holds for me. I used to think that by the time I'm 30, I'd already be a successful professional. Now, I push paper for a living. I'm not complaining though but I somehow feel shortchanged because I feel that I am meant for greater things. My peers are considerably successful in their chosen fields. Most of them have already started their own families and rearing children while I have somehow managed to stay the same as I was 15 years ago - single. My anxiety about the future is accentuated by my fear of spending the rest of my life alone. Who would take care of me when I'm grey and old? I don't have a family of my own, no husband or kids to take care of me when I can't take care of myself anymore. No hand to hold when I am uncertain about tomorrow or frightened of today. It's just me, myself and I. One day will come when I would have to pass on my crown to a successor but I have no one to pass it on to. I don't think anyone in the right mind would want to accede to the throne either given the magnitude of responsibility that this title entails.
Of late I have read a couple of articles that debunk most of my perceptions about success and the fears that I currently face. They are sensible and well thought of articles that I could not help but agree with them. However, while they inspired me to redirect and refocus my thoughts to the positive aspect of things, I still am confounded about how to actually do it. My mind operates in a manner that requires step by step instructions and a clear-cut process with calculated results. Anything outside the realm of control sends me into a frenzied panic. What then is a queen like me left to do? Contemplate. In my reassessment of my current disposition, I realized that in order for fear not to become a debilitating disease, one must consciously act on overcoming it. Identifying the real cause of our fears is the first step. Once identified, we can move forward to listing the ways in which we can address each of the causes of our fears. It certainly won't come overnight. However, I have come to know that it is a conscious and deliberate act to work on overcoming your fears. It is a decision that you make every day, to fight and work around the obstacles that you are faced with. The most important step is asking for help. Cliche to say that no man is an island but its truth is undeniable. Shared pain is half the sorrow while shared happiness is twice the joy. The only question for this queen now is who to share pain and joy with.
I count friends and family among the greatest blessings that I have been given. Nonetheless, there still are some things that I would like to share intimately with another person - one who can look into my eyes and pierce through my soul. One who, by his very presence, I am enlivened because it confirms to me what everyone is saying - that there is someone out there for all of us. Perhaps there is and it is equally possible that there isn't. All the same, a queen has to stand firm in her stance to fight for her kingdom, to keep her sanity so that when the time comes, she is still intact and completely able to share the wonders of life with her king. Sane enough to recognize that whether a king is on his way, her joy would come from being a person who is whole in her own right but eagerly waiting to share joy with another soul. Maybe by sharing this joy, love can multiply enough to fill this precarious world with compassion that will drown all the fears that are in our hearts.
xoxo
QB
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